Monday, September 27, 2010

It's been nearly a year since I updated. So much has happened that I can't begin to tell. I completed another semester at school. I have had a series of mental health issues. I have been hospitalized. I have gained a brother and sister. I have deferred a semester of school to get my life back on track. There is so much to say. I guess all I can really say is that when it rains, it pours, and when it pours my little newspaper umbrella gets really soggy. I have really gotten a dose of what it feels like for other people who maybe don't have it all together. I want to graduate with honors, but it just isn't to be. This last semester totally killed that dream. My grades weren't in the toilet, but they weren't what I wanted. At this rate I'll be lucky to graduate.

But I don't want to complain. There have been a lot of clouds these last few months, but I'm starting to see the silver lining. The person I thougt I was is a very different person than the one I'm seeing in the mirror lately. Most of my "suffering" has been brought on by my very own brand of Anderson stubborness and a good helping of simple pride. I have learned, though, that stubborness only gets you a sore head and an even sorer heart. The pride blocks out all the sunlight from Heaven that I've been avoiding like the plague, just because it isn't falling where I want it to.

These past few years have been a real lesson in patience, humility, gratitude, and the love that God has for each of His children. I'm not so sure I'm passing the test. I just got released from the hospital for reasons that will, for now, remain private. I was surrounded by people who were miserable, in all the meanings of the word. They had no hope for the future. They were stuck in the past. They felt they had nothing to live for, that nothing mattered anymore. I am ashamed to say that I felt much the same way when I entered the hospital. But I had a really good roommate who helped me to see that maybe my suffering and pain would be for the benefit of someone else down the road.

I have come to know some very simple things. These things are small and seemingly insignificant, but I know that if I focus on them, they will fill my vision with light and hope and peace. I know that God lives. I know He is intimately involved in each of His children's lives. I know that often He speaks to us through other people. I know that somehow, somewhere, sometime, all the things I'm getting to experience will be for my good and for that of others. I know I am His child. I am royalty. If I can humble myself, I have it made. There is no good thing that He will keep from me if I act in the manner befitting the daughter of the God of Abraham, Jacob and Isaac. He will clothe me with an inner beauty that befits my station. He will open all doors to me, if I put my trust in Him and do my best to honor Him.

There are too many things in my heart to express. There are things that tongure cannot express, like in the scriptures. I'm looking forward to some sunlight after this storm.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Out with the old and all that...

As 2010 creeps up on me, I find myself reflecting on the past year. There have been ups and downs, triumphs and failures and frustrations. I have made some better habits, and tried to kick the bad ones. I've made new friends, treasured old ones, and made a life for myself away from my family.

I haven't been able to find work in the collective six months I've been at home. I'm currently living off my accident settlement. It makes the whole taxes thing a lot simpler, but it does nothing for my nerves.. (name the movie...).

I had a nasty little bipolar episode summer semester, but I managed to scrounge up a B average. Fall semester went much better- 3.94 GPA. Can I hear a 'hallelujah'?

I made friends at school- something that I treasure after the semester from hell fall of '08. Melinda and Jen and Sarah were there for me during some pretty ugly times. They all are married or getting married in the next few days. I wish them all the best. They are incredible women who are making three men very, very lucky.

I learned a lot of things at school. I learned that eating healthy is frustratingly expensive. I learned that I feel a lot better when I eat healthy. I learned to be kind to people who are rude to you. Often they have a reason to be, at least in their eyes.

I now have 2010 spread out before me- zooming toward me at lightspeed as the clock winds down. I have some great hopes for the coming year. It will be beautiful and crazy and scary and exciting and bewildering and so many other things.

It's the end of a decade- the end of my childhood, too. I turn 21 in April. I'm not quite ready to leave the nest just yet, but we'll see what this new year brings.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Silver Bells and Pumpkin Scented Candles

Fall is in the air- and maybe winter too. The trees have turned, the landscapers have dug up all the annuals, each morning brings a hard frost, and last night and all day today, it snowed. Having just finished up midterms for the most part, I am free to enjoy a highland desert fall. The weather went from eighty degrees to thirty in less than a week, and has sustained autumnal temperatures for nearly a month.

I love this time of year. The summer things are put away, not to emerge till late next spring. It's finally cold enough to enjoy a comfortable hoodie. Hot chocolate or spiced cider no longer elicits odd looks from the roommates, and now the fight over the state of the window begins with the roomie. I like the room to smell fresh. I don't mind a little chill to achieve this. There is a reason why I lugged my electric blanket six hundred miles, after all. She would rather have a warm room, and deal with the stale air. We'll see who is more stubborn.

I'm looking forward to pumpkin pie, daddy's greenbean casserole, and yams smothered in marshmallows and brown sugar. Unfortunately, we are not allowed candles in the dorms, so I'll have to wait to go home before I get to smell the pumpkin and spiced cider candles mom buys every fall. I can't wait for the first serious snowfall. I get to go home for Thanksgiving in three weeks, and I am raring to go. Don't get me wrong,, I love my roommates. But two engaged girls and one seriously involved relationship in the apartment is more than enough estrogen to send me packing.

Snow is in the air, I'm wrapped up snug in my bed, and I have six weeks of school left before my refreshing three month absence from this campus. Life could be better, but I'm not complaining.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Making the Rounds

My roommate is sick. That is the catalyst for this very random and rambling post.

Everyone is freaking out about swine flu. They're freaking out here too. I think it's kind of funny. Let me explain myself. My poor cousin has two beautiful little ones, and another on the way. They all have the swine flu. Cousin, hubby, kiddos. She called the doctor and was told to not even bring her little boy in, because they were so slammed.

There are a few cases on campus, but they're all being quarantined. My roommate has the flu, but no fever or anything,so we're pretty sure its just a nasty flu bug.

From the CDC:From April 15, 2009 to July 24, 2009, states reported a total of 43,771 confirmed and probable cases of novel influenza A (H1N1) infection. Of these cases reported, 5,011 people were hospitalized and 302 people died.

Although more children under 5 were hospitalized, people between 5 and 24 were the hardest hit.

There have been four major quakes on the Pacific Rim in the last week. Over two hundred people have been killed.

California has been on fire since March. We have been "fighting" a war for over eight years.

We have been lucky that there have been no major hurricanes this year.

Our Government is spending us into slavery to other nations. People are losing jobs right and left.

Even though everything seems to be going wrong, I am unafraid. Well, mostly.

Mormon 8:29-31 says:
Yea, and it shall come in a day there shall be heard of fires, and tempests, and vapors of smoke in foreign lands; And there shall also be heard of wars, rumors of wars, and earthquakes in divers places. Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth, there shall be murders, and robbing, and lying, and deceivings, and whoredoms, and all manner of abominations;whern there shall be many who will say, Do this, or do that, and it mattereth not, for the Lord will uphold such at the last day. But wo unto such, for they are in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity.

But there is so much to be happy about. Missonaries are spreading the Good Word, temples are full to bursting and new ones are being built across the face of the Earth. Families are being sealed together. People are being found through the mists of time, and their work is being done. We do not lack for voices of warning and comfort in our day. We are in the final stretch. But it's ok, because we know that if we are obedient to God, and specifically our covenants, everything will come out alright.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

What It Taught Me

Today was the last day of Spring Semester 2009. It's sad and happy, anxious and boring. I've made a lot of memories this semester. It's been a ton of fun- hikes and parties and take out with the cousins. I've stressed and cried and been seriously ill. I've served and been served. I've stretched and grown in ways I never would have imagined four months ago. Being seriously ill without family close is a scary thing. But I made it through, and I learned that I can do anything, if I give my will over to the Savior.

I've made a lot of new friends. D'ya know what I mean when I say that sometimes you meet someone, and know you've known them forever? My friend Melinda is like that. We've only known each other for a little less than four months, but we communicate on a level that usually takes years to achieve. It's special.

I struggled through a math class. I conquered a little pride and went to the Math Lab, and requested a tutor. Danny was awesome- very patient, and explained things over and over, until I understood, then challenged me to prove it. He was a blessing to me.

I'm still very single. Not that I'd tell you any different unless it was very serious.

I've learned how to deal with some new personalities. It was a trial, let me tell you. I dealt with the in-your-face, loud personality, with the reserved, quiet passive-aggressive, the youngest child, and the emotionally nervous. I learned that I need a lot of peace and quiet, and I strongly dislike being suprised by physical touch. That could be a problem....

Because I was seriously ill for quite some time, I missed two and a half weeks of class. The result is that I'll be happy to scrape by with B's. I'm coming to terms with that. I'm learning to accept that my strength isn't as strong as it used to be.

I took a weight lifting class this semester. I lost a decent amount of weight and exchanged it for muscle. Not that you can tell. But I'm very proud of the fact that I leg-pressed 300 lbs for my final evaluation. That's 1.3 of me.

But most of all, I learned how very involved the Savior is in my life. That is an answer to prayer that has been a long time coming. He knows when I get up, He knows how I loathe my medication, He knows the struggle I have sustaining my attention. And He puts things in my way to hold me up, and keep my head above water. I am forever grateful for His sacrifice, that makes it possible for Him to succor me in such an intimate way.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day

Today is the day when we celebrate fatherhood, in all its various forms. I am blessed to come from a two-parent home, with parents that love each other. Let me tell you about my father.

Daddy was born the fifth of six children. He has three sisters and two brothers. Both his brothers and two of his sisters were quite a bit older than he was, and so he essentially grew up with just a little sister. Grandpa worked a lot, and I assume that keeping track of six rambunctious children kept Grandma on her toes.

Dad moved around a bit as a child, and finally moved to Moses lake when he was about 13. He joined the Navy at 17, and "celebrated" his 18th in boot camp. Daddy doesn't talk about the years between joining the Navy and getting ready for his mission.

He served a mission to the Brazilia Brazil mission in the late eighties, at the same time that mom was serving in Taiwan. He's always wanted to go back. When we go to SLC, sometimes we go to an authentic Brazilian restaurant called Rodizio's Grill. It's food to die for, and daddy says it is exactly what he ate on his mission.

Daddy got home Thanksgiving of '87, and, after writing mom all through his mission, was engaged before Christmas. Mama and Daddy were sealed on January 22, 1988.
Daddy enrolled in pharmacy school at WSU, and worked hard in his classes.

I showed up in April of '89, and Paul, Viki's husband, became Daddy. And he's never looked back.

When I sliced my head open when I was three, it was Daddy who saved me. When there was a Daddy-daughter date for Activity Days, Daddy was there. When he lost his mother, Daddy was there for me, even though he was grieving himself. It's been daddy who makes time to go to lunch with me while I'm home, giving up his hour of recharging in his frequent ten hour days. It's daddy who stays up late to help me understand a doctrinal or political question. It's daddy who bends over backwards to make sure I'm healthy and happy.

This is not to say that mama doesn't do these things too. It's just that lots of girls aren't that close to their dads- I'm learning that here at school. I'm lucky enough that my parents are my best friends. I laugh and plan and talk girl talk with mama. Mama gets me through the ups and downs of my challenges. But daddy is always in the background. He's always laying the groundwork for my success, and I want him to know that I've noticed.

Daddy works hard at everything he does. Whether it's beautifying our land or cooking a gourmet meal for a birthday, Daddy is there giving his all. Daddy sacrifices and scrimps and saves so that I can have a neat experience. Daddy is up at night, worrying about me, and comforting mama. Daddy is always one step ahead, trying his darndest to smooth the road for me.

I could go on and on and on about my daddy, but I think he's gonna be embarrassed enough as it is. Happy Father's Day, daddy. You're more than Father. You're Daddy.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I know it's a week past Memorial Day, but I'm still catching my breath. Part of the problem may be that I went from Memorial Day to a dash through 3 days of classes, and then I was lucky enough to have my mom come up for Mother's Weekend. It's a ton of fun having her here, and I get to brag about her all day tomorrow.

I could spend a week posting about Memorial Day, so I'll just give you a picture fly by.

I went for a "hike" up in the Mesa Falls area. It was really only about three miles, but the majority of it was uphill, so it was quite enough for me. I'm not exactly a backpacker...

I went on a family history documentation trip- done in many parts- to verify vital information for several of my ancestors and relatives in my dad's maternal line. It was a very humbling, spiritual experience.

My dad lost one of his aunts. My parents were able to drive down for the funeral, and so did all my dad's siblings, except for one- and he had a very good excuse for not being able to make it.

I did a lot of other stuff, but those are the main highlights. I spent a lot of time with friends, and not so much time doing homework. But that's ok. I am making a point of living a little more in the moment this semester, and am teaching myself to be a little more laid back about my schoolwork. I'd spend more time on this, but I am going to go enjoy having my mother around.